While driving around in my car recently, I couldn't help but find myself singing along to yet another Bruno Mars hit single. The guy has the voice of smooth caramel, enough so that my cacophonous singing does not seem to disturb my unfortunate passengers at the moment. Luckily, I have a two-seater.
I always believed that music was a form of mind control. We've all been there, admit it. I'll be first to stand up and say that yes, I work out to the Pussycat Doll's "Don't You" to get myself pumped up enough to imagine myself with a svelte boyfriend-stealing body wrapped in clothing tight like saran wrap with a microphone at hand and busting out a few hip swings as I'm riding the elliptical. Yes, when I'm having a bad day, I listen to Kanye West and recall his hatred for the Bush administration, attempting to emulate such negativity in order to hate on the newest thing I have decided to hate on for the moment. Yes, and on the rare instances I am feeling sensual I play a little Sade and lie around fantasizing about... Tom Selleck. Don't ask.
Anyways, it didn't occur to me that Bruno Mars had invaded my brain as if he was some alien that was actually from Mars until I listened to myself singing. It was no wonder I've been so lovelorn lately.
"I'd catch a grenade for ya/ Throw my hand on the blade for ya. I'd jump in front of a train for ya/ You know I'd do anything for ya." How Shakespearean and Gothic at the same time. Anyone that is willing to sacrifice a limb from catching an explosive or to voluntarily cut themselves using a sharp object over the love for a person that clearly doesn't love you back is borderline insanity at the least and I mean least. However, this isn't the most graphic of the lyrics. He goes on to sing that he'd want to "take a bullet straight through his brain." I'd grant good ol' Bruno Mars a little clemency on this line if the word "pain" in the previous line was so difficult to rhyme with, but it's not. Not even close.
But "Grenade" is a catchy tune and maybe the buck stopped there for Bruno and his penchant for graphically violent love songs. He did have that one song about being lazy all day, but who the hell wants to listen to him singing about all the dumb things he does on his days off such as not going to college, doing P90X, and getting laid? I sure didn't.
I thought that maybe this was the end to Bruno Mars and his glory days, retiring his music to the vault of other one-hit-wonders such as The Macarena and Spice Girls. Yet, the guy rose from his lazy ashes with his newest single, starting with the lines "If you ever leave me, baby, leave some morphine at my door. Cause it would take a whole lot of medication..." These lines strike a tune with me. Who doesn't want to become incredibly obsessed with an object of affection enough to want to take prescription painkillers administered through an IV in order to overcome said obsession? Sounds like fun. I'm in.
When I decide to be less dangerously lovelorn, I shall return to listening to hardcore gangster rap that contains lyrics that pertain to womanizing, drinking to excess, and the use of recreational drugs for good old-fashioned recreation. Until then, Bruno Mars it is.
