Oh so you met someone. Possibly on a plane or even barside. You hit it off and talk for endless hours. That infamous "spark" never seems to dissipate and feeds that burning hope inside that he might be the next target for your cupid's arrow. But if the world of dating were just that straightforward. That kind gesture of letting you wear his coat when you were chilly may not been kind after all. Maybe he was finding a tactful way of brushing up against your boobs to assay their net worth in gold, trying to estimate if they are worth the investment of a couple more drinks to be able to see them bare that night. Or he pulled out that chair for you to see the spread size of your backside while you were sitting down, wondering if he should offer to buy you dessert so he'd have something more to grab later down the line. That's right you assholes. I know what tricks you are up to and i have come up some tricks of my own tucked away in my bra cups to fire back at those blank bullets.
Tip #1: Never program his number into your phone. Never.
He may be nice at first, but you never know when he will inevitably turn into an inconsiderate asshole. It may be a week from now, months, or hell, even after 10 years of marriage. But when you know it is all over, do you really want to sit around wondering what went wrong and fighting the urge to call him for god knows how long. So unless he's your husband AND your emergency contact on your health forms, don't even bother trying to memorize his number or keeping it handy. Let him do all the calling and when YOU are done with him you can stop picking up his phone calls.
Tip #2: If he doesn't want to make plans with you for the weekend, go ahead and let the other guy take you out instead.
I cannot stress the importance of maintaining a quarry of single men in your life. Because lets face it. All men are practically the same. In the end, they will fail at something or another when it comes to women. This way, you will always have a fresh guy to turn to after you have become bored with the previous one. And since you never had the first guy's number anyways, why even try rescuing something that wasn't even worth saving?
Tip #3: Keep men that you have hooked up with too soon in purgatory.
Ok, so we've all been there at one degree or another. Never let these guys out of the darkness. Keep them at a distance from your life and make sure you shut the door very tightly after you are done with whatever your agenda was with them. Just admit to yourself that these guys cared about you only because you were giving something to them in return. It was a give-and-take relationship as if he were buying a set of melons at the grocery store. Which isn't a bad thing because melons are tasty, but they also spoil very quickly.
Anyways thats it. Follow these tips and you will probably never experience heartache and stay fabulously single for the rest of your living days.
No comments:
Post a Comment