Unemployment Sucks and So Does Your Face

As I was chain-smoking another day of being homeless and unemployed away today, I came across an interesting specimen. She was blonde with highlights, average height, and wearing a long khaki Banana Republic trench coat. Not like I'm the type that recognizes high-end fashion produced by sweatshop labor from afar. I just assumed because every asshole living out here in DC wears Banana Republic.

Anyways, as I proceeded to speak with this office vixen about her job as a "consultant," another shocker because every other idiot walking the streets out here is, the cogs began spinning in my head. There are plenty of overpaid yuppies living in DC and what do yuppies need more than anything else? Overpriced clothes and accessories that are plain, boring, and uninventive. That and bite-sized restaurant food at incredibly high prices, otherwise known as "haute" cuisine. But food is difficult. You can be sued for food poisoning. But then again, you can always blame it on the sushi that the DC yuppie most likely had the night before, the hallmark trait of an gainfully employed person working in this damn city.

So here, I present to you my new clothing store: Avocado Democracy, which will basically be the haven for all those that enjoy purchasing solid-colored shirts and pants. My business plan is to have a 10000% markup of clothes produced by factories in India, thereby maximizing profit and minimizing human dignity. And it'll be exclusive to those that 1. know what an avocado is and 2. can afford to eat avocados. So the branding is built into the name itself! I'd even go as far as to having the motto: "If you can't afford to eat avocados, then get the fuck out of here!" with a big green monster as a mascot saying it at the entrance of every one of my locations. But I'm still debating that part.

Anyhoo, I'm looking for investors. Considering that I have no money, please approach me with a cash sum of some sort and possibly some avocados because I don't want to be a hypocrite.