For all those cell phone losers out there

For those of you that know me pretty well, I'm sure you have noticed that I enjoy losing anything in my possession that is smaller than my fist. Imagine my immense frustration when dealing with the modernized version of the cell phone. The pre-2000 days when cell phones occupied 3/4ths of purse space were over almost overnight, and I was facing episodes after episodes of lost cell phone incidents that involved anything from animals to washing machines. But at my recent trip to the airport, I discovered a technique that is almost foolproof in recovering a long lost, beloved cell phone (if you are a cell phone loser like me).

It all started when the universe decided to play a joke on me by sticking me behind a seemingly incompetent woman at the security checkpoint. She had to rerun her carry-on through the xray almost 5 times, while I waited impatiently behind her in my bare feet, shivering because I was stripped of my coat for the regular frisking that I enjoy oh so much. When I took a casual peek at the inside of her bag during a routine search, it appeared as if she just decided to stuff it with a bunch of crap lying around on the floor of her bedroom. I was surprised that they didn't find any live animals in there.

Anyways, I was still standing there and as they ran her bag through the xray for the 5th time, she did something that amazed me. She asked the TSA man if he saw her cell phone inside the bag because she hasn't seen it for days! OMG, I thought to myself, this woman, under all those layers of slovenly habits, may actually have something here. The next time I lose my cell phone, why not stuff a bunch of the things that I suspect in harboring my fugitive cell phone into a duffel bag and make the TSA guys do all the heavy lifting!? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.