Blackberries Can Do More Than You Think

I just got a Blackberry. It's purple and looks like a mini-computer. Now, having a Blackberry may not be a big damn deal for some of you people, but considering that I've always sought for simplicity when seeking out a new phone, me owning a Blackberry is like Bill Gates buying a Macbook Pro and... liking it, a lot. It just doesn't mix... or does it?

So the thing is pretty cool. Can check my email, use instant messaging, go onto Facebook blah blah. Basically, annoy my friends at a greater extent than I already am as a former strictly laptop user. And you know, everyone reaches that threshold where they just get used to owning a Blackberry and it's not as exciting anymore. I was getting there within the 12 hours I've owned the thing.

But then something happened. I was riding the bus, and this guy approaches me. I had met him before on the same bus line and he would attempt to romance me by telling me how he'd moved up here from California "for love" and how it didn't work out. What a loser. Anyone that is willing to move states in the name of an internet-based love needs a huge slap in the face. Anyone that is attempting to use such a story as a way to get another woman needs to be punched. "Yea, that sucks dude," I would say and turn away but he'd keep talking about his broken heart. Sometimes to the point that my knuckles would turn white from forming a fist for too long, but don't worry I restrained myself.

So I'm sitting on the bus and here the loser comes. "Hey remember me?" He says. "Oh hey." I say back. He starts talking to me and it was one of those situations where he attempted to sound smart but he just sounded stupid without knowing it.

Him: Yea, so how was your trip to Nepal?
Me: [pretty sure he doesn't even know where Nepal is] It was good, but I'm glad to be back
Him: Yea, I bet. I remember when I went to Mexico I couldn't be there for more than 3 days.
Me: [doubtfully] Where in Mexico were you?
Him: Tijuana.
Me: You know that's not really Mexico right?
[silence]
Him: Well you know in other countries there are no sidewalks or roads really and like the cops are enterprising and stuff.
Me: Yea...ok...

While he continues on his stupid talk, I turn to my Blackberry and start checking the news and my email. He notices that I stopped paying attention to him. He gets up and goes back to sitting in the back of the bus where all idiots belong.

Man, that was awesome. My Blackberry, in addition to be the best communications device I've ever come across, wards off men like some kind of witch's broomstick. I'm going to use this trick from now on and see how more successful I can be. Meanwhile, I want to write a letter of thanks to the makers of Blackberry. And my last sentence will read: "Because of you guys, I can wear makeup and do my hair but still have a powerful tool within the palm of my hand that sends loser men off like kryptonite does to Superman." Awesome, just awesome.