Ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. I would have never fathomed that such a disgusting, self-deprecating accusation could ever come to realization, but it has. Yes, I have been accused of being a... Reese's Pieces thief. It all began when I cleaned my house, which involved shuffling other people's possessions around. At some point in this process, a brand new bag of Reese's Pieces, once in the custody of my roommate, magically disappeared like Kaiser Soze. Oh my. I'm sure The Oregonian would jump at the chance at publishing a front page news story about this poor bastard's lost 65 cent candy. And this is The Oregonian and the damn candy wasn't even King size!
So I get home from school and here he comes barging into my room, and the conversation went something like this:
Roommate: Did you go into my backpack, steal my Reese's Pieces and eat them?
Me: WTF, do I look like ET (muthafucka)?
He then proceeded to woddle away. I felt like throwing three quarters at him, but felt sorry for the bastard so I gave him a crisp $1 bill instead.
so you admitted to him that you stole it?
ReplyDeleteBasically.
ReplyDelete