Using YouTube For Educational Purposes

As my best friend Fatima (aka "Fats") told me recently, my life is basically a thread that weaves through various extremes. Past extremes have included obsessions with knitting, baking, and "gourmet" cooking. Looking back, I think I was just subconsciously training myself to be an all-American housewife. You know except for the brown-haired, brown-eyed thing. Some would say black hair, but they can just go to hell.

So I can bake, I can cook, and dammit, I can even darn my future husband's socks if need be. But appropriately way down on my list, a goal that I hadn't even taken a stab at in all these years, was being able to bend into 50 different positions (because who doesn't want to "wow" their future husbands in bed?).

I am now in my inaugural year of being a fitness nut. To the surprise of many many many people, I not only walk but run and lift weights albeit in an undisciplined haphazard manner. Like stealing big screen TVs out of people's homes and then later running from the cops with it. (Hey, I said I am a fitness nut, not a saint.)

Then Fats presented me with an awesome idea. Why not participate in the 2010 Los Angeles marathon? I negotiated down to a half-marathon. (Ok fine, her brother-in-law did, but who gives a shit about the finer details.) To me, doing a 13 mile run is somewhat doable. I did a 15 mile drunken walk from Mexico to San Diego once because I blew all my cash on the strippers in Tijuana, but that was nearly 10 years ago. I'm not as limber as I was back then. Not even close.

Being the cheap ass that I am, I chose to utilize YouTube videos in lieu of a pricey personal trainer, using the wireless internet I'm stealing from my neighbor. I began searching for videos that would build strength and endurance, and a video entitled "Fitness - Fast Death Workout" with a byline that states "This workout will brutalize you and kick your ass in just 15 minutes" caught my eye, but then I have always had a folly for informercial-like sales pitches. I consider it my achilles heel.



What the hell? Sorry Olga, but that has got to be the sloppiest exercise video I have ever seen. And this is coming from a person that used to watch Tae Bo like a hawk. This debacle made me wonder how she got that hard body complete with the chiseled abs of a goddess. I mean if Gretel over here can look like that with the coordination of a 5 year old with an ear infection, then why can't I?

I began to suspect that it may all just be one of those hoaxes that Baywatch pulled on us for years. They have to, just have to be some sort of make up. A little shading there, a little shading here and you can even make Hasselhoff look like the Statue of David. The man is still gross though. Who the hell eats cheeseburgers off a carpet? But I digress.

So I zoomed in on her little video to see if I saw any makeup smudges or "flaws" in her alleged abs up close:



Damn you, pixelation! No clear conclusion can be drawn. But who really cares. Bottom line is that she sucks. Maybe it's time for her to go back to the same gingerbread house she came from.

Ok fine, maybe I'm just jealous that she can probably do all 50 positions I aspire to be able to do when I can still barely touch my toes. On the bright side, I did manage to bounce a quarter off my ass today. Now that's progress.