And then he kissed me

My experience tonight reminds me of a medley of old hit songs, most notably Then He Kissed Me by the Crystals & and Her Boyfriends Back by whatever band, but not necessarily in the same context.

So last week I went out to lunch with the soccer player. Yea, I know big mistake, but damn, I was hungry. After yet another hour of hearing him cry about how his ex girlfriend of 9 years had just dumped him one morning and ran away to Asia (can't make this shit up), I try to say my goodbyes because I was tired of hearing his whiney voice screeching through my ear drums. Then he did it. His sushi breath came up close to me and as he attempted to plant one on me, I ducked away and he missed the wall behind me by an inch. "Dude, WHAT are you doing?," I screamed. Not like the situation was awkward enough. People were already staring. I tried to block the embarrassment out by playing the Crystals in my head, but changing the words around to suit the current debacle: "...and then he didn't kiss me..."

Long story short. He was very apologetic, and continued to be annoyingly apologetic through text messages that interrupted every single lecture that I had during the week. On occasion, I'd say something like "Don't worry about it" or "It's cool," but his apologies would just come back with greater frequency. It was a lose-lose situation. So I just stopped replying after a couple of days.

Just as I was about the publish a simple post about this occurrence on the blog, HE WAS BACK. No seriously, he was down the hallway waiting to see the same event as I was planning on going to. Damn. I attempted to cover up my face with the laptop screen fast like a cat, but clearly I'm not a cat because eye contact was made within those microseconds. Damn. I smiled back. Damn. Then he proceeded to turn away and act like he didn't know me. OHHHH HELL NO. That asshole stole a smile from me!

I felt like a used piece of kleenex stuffed in a seat cushion somewhere. Did he just 1. make me listen to his sob stories for the last few months 2. then try to kiss me and crown me as his rebound queen 3. and then finally use me for a smile to boost his own ego? I hadn't felt this helpless since I tried to volunteer at a school for the blind. I had nothing to get back at him for stealing something so precious to me. I also left my light saber at home that day so I couldn't slice him in half with it. I was at an impasse. I know one thing for sure though. Ain't no one, I mean NO ONE ever gonna ROB a smile from me again.