Tanning Salons and Brown People Don't Mix

Everyday as I'm walking to the bus stop, I pass by the tanning salon. Every time I pass it, the hot brown-but-white salesperson, sensing that a possible customer is approaching, looks up in anticipation. Every time, she sees my brown face and goes back to reading her US Weekly.

I used to not "get" why people tanned. It seemed like a waste of money, causing skin to appear as if it were the pigskin ripped off of a 10 year old football. All to just look like us brown folk. Let me give it to you straight white people, you're not cool enough to be us. You never will. No matter how much melanoma you'll get.

But then a friend showed me a picture of a girl with a complexion that could even make polar bears a little jealous. Now this works if you are slated to star as the next villain in a crappy Dan Brown thriller, but probably not out in the real world. So I now rescind my initial response to tanning as stupid. I encourage pale people to go ahead and reap the benefits of an artificial sun. It'll be convenient for me as well. I won't need to wear sunglasses anymore in the dead of winter to deal with the blinding effect caused by the light reflecting off of you people's skin.

So after coming to this conclusion, I became a little self-conscious of my own skin tone. The next time I walked on into the tanning salon instead of just passing by it. The blondie at the counter put down her latest edition of People and asked me if I was the mail woman! I said no, that I was interested in getting a tan. She tilted her head, confused. I, as a result, became confused, grabbed The Economist that had laid untouched on the coffee table, and ran away. I now walk a different route to the bus stop everyday.