Idiots are leeches that suck the life out of me

Like everyone else, I run into idiots on a daily basis. On the bus. On the street. Yada yada yada. But then there are the kings and queens of the idiots that only manage to come swarming around me as if I have a bowl of honey hidden under my blouse and they're out to pollinate. Unfortunately, I ran into both your highnesses today. I wonder what the statistical significance of that is? Probably 1 in 100 trillion with one degree of freedom. Go figure that it happens to me.

Mr. Highness is a grown ass man in my physics class. He comes up to me today after he sees me loafing around. He goes "hey did you study for the test today?" I go "nope, need to do that." Then he goes, "well, I have a question" and starts whipping out his notes. Did he not hear me? I DIDN'T STUDY, you idiot. But he pulls out his notes anyways and goes "I don't know how to solve this. Could you show me." I peer over at his chicken scratch and I see something like this:


"How do you find the hypotenuse?" My jaw nearly dropped to the ground. At first, I thought this was a ploy to hit on me, but I don't find feigning stupidity attractive or even funny at all. "It's the Pythagorean Theorem." "Huh?," he says. "Dude the answer is 5 meters." "How did you know that!?" Fuck. I get up and pretend I need to go to class. "Listen, if you don't know how to do that maybe you should take a math class and take physics some other time." I start climbing the flights of stairs to get to my morning class. He follows me. "Wait wait, I have more questions..." I don't think I need to list off the questions I was asked during what I can only characterize as the 10 most miserable minutes of my life. Miserable mostly because they made me remember the awkward middle school years when I learned most of it.

It didn't end there. I thought he had lost my scent after he was forced to depart my company after I entered my classroom. I made an effort to find a cloistered space to study for the exam, which turned out to the be the topmost floor of the library. He found me. And the campus is not that small. I was sharing a table with 3 other people, and he would come up every 10 minutes and ask me some other dumb question. The last time he did this, I had a breakdown. I slammed my hand on the table and was like "Look, I'm trying to get through my own studying here. Maybe you should go find someone else for help." Everyone at my table looked at me like "what a bitch!". Great, I thought. Just great. I'm the bitch. Yea okay.

So I get up, pack my things and decide that maybe I should go use the restroom, splash a little water on my face, get back to equilibrium. I have a favorite restroom on campus, the only one that has gotten an A+ on my inspection checklist. No stalls with cracks where strangers can peep through, regularly cleaned, always smells nice, one room, etc.... I high-tail it over there, turn the knob, and... some girl is on the toilet. Now, I don't know about you, but LOCKING the bathroom door is something that can never just SLIP my mind. It is as automatic as eating and sleeping, not matter how 911-ish the situation is. But clearly not for this anomalous one. She'd like to take the risk and make other people uncomfortable with her stupidity. Great, I thought.

I spent the rest of the evening walking in the rain, wondering how much a private island would run me so that I can live on it alone for the rest of my life. I later wanted to go home and take a relaxing bath. Unfortunately, I already had a moron steam bath for the day.