Last night, I found myself in a predicament. As most evenings go, I was starving but lets face it I'm usually too cheap to eat out unless I'm near death or need a picker-upper to help me recover from a mild case of depression. I step out of the gym, and book it to Whole Foods where I run inside and grab a banana and Pirate's Booty Bermuda Onion, my favorite.
I don't know about you, but I really love these what I can only describe as little kernels of joy. They are extremely puffy, have only a mild touch of flavor, and crunch AND melt in your mouth like some strange science experiment that actually went right rather than wrong. I immediately rip a bag open amongst all these people in the store and start stuffing the handfuls of these bundles of miracles into my mouth.
So I'm eating and eating and just wandering around the store. Sometimes a stowaway kernel would miss my mouth and get trapped in my scarf or fall on the floor. Poor thing. Missed its opportunity to come into contact with Meera saliva, a rarity for food and boys alike. I decide to buy some coffee while I'm at it. So I grab a bag and go up to the cashier to pay for both.
"How are you?," the cashier said politely. I try to talk with my mouth full. Unfortunately, most of the kernels in my mouth were not at full salivation yet and one of them flew out of my mouth and knicked him in the forehead. "I'm fine," I say. But it was too late. I had already assaulted him with Pirate's Booty. He wiped his forehead with a paper towel and avoided eye contact with me the rest of the time. Yea... I'd be grossed out too, but from this experience I learned that Pirate's Booty would be better for a makeshift assault weapon rather than the marshmallows that have gotten so popular lately.
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