Clothing With Scandal Factor

Lately, I've felt like unleashing my wild side, and I am lucky to have this sudden urge coincide with the reemergence of animal print in pop fashion culture. I did not realize this coincidence until I saw a friend of mine rockin' a pair of zebra print tights and I found myself thinking: "Man I want that... sooo bad." Hence, I went out and bought a pair of tights, in cheetah print though, because I did not want to look like I was ripping off her fashion ideas even though I practically was either way.

I wanted to break these tights in the other day. You know, basically see how they felt and to stretch them out a bit before I took them out on their maiden voyage. So I thought, why not wear them to my eyebrow appointment in Artesia? I matched them up with a sweater dress and my fake Uggs. Man I thought I was looking awesome... until I took a stroll down Pioneer Blvd in Artesia, CA, a "Little India" of sorts. Judging from the stares, I'm guessing that all those Desis out there were thinking I was on a different type of stroll altogether.

To tell you the truth, I kind of liked the attention. I was going to break out in squats in the middle of an intersection to cause an even bigger ruckus. I backed out last minute. That's the sort of thing to do if you have family members present and subsequently give the ones you don't like minor strokes. Now that is some ammo you can't buy in any store.

I have now concluded that if I were to ever see how my new outfits rate on the scandal meter, I will don them and take a walk down Little India. Each general stare earns 1 point while a discreet look from a lascivious Desi uncle earns 5 points. Those discreet ones are tricky though. Make sure you don't inadvertently look back with an expression that can be misinterpreted as an invitation. (I'm warning you now so don't come crying to me later.)

That day, I scored a whopping 50 points. It was a personal record, which means that I'm totally going to wear this outfit when I go pick up my 85-year-old grandmother from the airport on Tuesday and consequently spend the rest of my winter break hearing her lecture my parents about letting their daughter around "half-naked" in Los Angeles and its surrounding areas. It'll be my little token of appreciation to them for giving me a life in which I can dress in faux animal and can bring shame to our family name by wearing said faux animal.