The Ding Heard Around The World

So Tiger Woods ran into a tree in his car at 2am. Big Whoop! I backed into a telephone pole once at 3am, and drove off without as much as an afterthought. And yet I got no love from the local and national media outlets as well as the paparazzi. I guess that is one of the perks of being an everyday, normal, boring person.

I'm just really confused as to why this is such a big deal. The car looked like this:

I've seen worst accidents playing bumper cars at the county fair. At least you risk getting whiplash from bumper cars.

So I guess the rumor is that Tiger Woods was beaten up by his Swedish wife and this is all a cover up. Let me tell you, if I found out that my weenie boy of a husband cheated on me, a hot Swedish woman with legs to die for that is way too good for her scrawny husband, I'd probably beat the crap out of him too. And better yet, I'd beat the crap out of him in a way that would hurt him the most... with his own damn golf clubs.

Anyways, I am hoping that GM will drop good ol' TW as their spokesperson. After all, this is all just really bad advertising for the Cadillac Escalade. I mean, I would've totally gone out tomorrow to buy this SUV due to its awesome fuel economy and spacey interior for my family of 10. And yet, the sight of this car crash makes me wonder if all its drivers end up crashing into trees and get caught cheating. I really don't like being caught cheating on my spouse.