Potty Un-humor

After having an awfully large pot of coffee this morning, I had to tend to an extremely irritated intestinal tract mid-class. Which reminds me, I should never eat an entire jalapeno pizza on my own from now on. Anyhoo, as I'm sitting down to tend to my bowel duties. I found myself staring head-on to the following post-it note on the bathroom stall.

Fuck. Like this is what I want burning through my retinas as I'm taking a fabulously painful- excuse my language here- dump. No, stupid girl, I'm not beautiful "inside" and out. My actions at the moment were living proof of that. It's smelly, gross, and disgusting. I would've vomited, but the obviously, the toilet was occupied at the moment.

It's times like these when I wished I had the supernatural power to grow a penis or a beard or both so I could just use the Men's restroom. Or maybe I should just forego all those secret desires and just use the damn Men's restroom and risk getting arrested because apparently it is against the law. Men don't write dumb post-it notes. If anything, they probably write funny ones that will make my bathroom visit that much more enjoyable. Such examples may be:

"Dude, you just took a ginormous dump. Rock on!"
"That one really hurt, didn't it?"
"Do you feel 5 lbs now, man?"
Etc... etc...

These encouraging words would be written in a neutral-colored post-it note, comfortable to read but possibly illegible. Of course, I would never know. The Men's restroom is after all uncharted territory for us women. Or maybe not.